April 3  Tigers and Camels and clothes, oh my!

Beautiful, beautiful Hoi An. A mix of stunning architecture dating back over
100 years – a mix of French, Chinese, Japanese and Vietnamese buildings –
and a thriving clothing trade that knows exactly how to snag me.

Even though I was snatched as soon as I left my hotel in the morning, and
taken hostage in one of these designer shops in the market (the ransom was
the purchase of a gorgeous, long wool coat), I did manage to squeak in a
tour the city. For $3 you buy a little strip of six tickets that allows you
entry into six different sights. I also hired a local guide from one the
Camel tour company (a very advisable thing to do as there is no written
information other than what you might get in your guidebook). We visited the
gorgeous Japanese Bridge, several old Chinese meeting halls, a stunning old
house that’s belonged to eight generations of traders of the same Chinese
family and generally just meandered in the old town taking in the sights.

The next day, a day-tour brought me to the Cham ruins of My Son (pronounced
mee’-son), just south of Hoi An. Several tour buses a day converge on this
area that includes six sets of temple ruins, many of which were destroyed in
bombing raids during the Vietnam War. I immediately lose my group and follow
another cluster of people who are making better headway. At one point their
group leader stands on a rock and yells, “Tiger tou, dis way. Tiger tou
hea.” I try and hide behind a rather large German since I stand out like a
sore thumb amidst this grey-haired assembly. The tour guide spots me and
sends me an accusatory look. I am obviously not a Tiger. In fact, I think I
am on a Camel tour, but I’m not sure as my group leader and group haven’t
shown up anywhere for about an hour. After completing the tour with the
Tigers, trailing far enough behind so as not to look like I’m trying to
infiltrate their herd (Or is it “pride”?), I make my way back to our tour
bus. The Camels finally come sauntering along one by one. It turns out they
didn’t see nearly as much as I did since their group was too slow. It pays
to be a Tiger.

After completing my two tours I was left with an entire day on my own to
traipse around the town and that’s when the shopaholic in me began to make
its presence known. I barely made it out of there with any money left. Hoi
An is the clothing SHOPPING MECCA of ... well... anywhere I've been, anyway.
They have a bazillion make-to-measure shops where you can get ANYTHING made
from ANY MATERIAL you want in ANY DESIGN you want in under 12 hours.

I was only there a couple of days thinking I'd just get a skirt for my
sister for her birthday. I didn't have that much money in my bank account
but (woe is me) I got my tax refund just when I hit Hoi An. And when I
started looking at the clothing and material and the COSTS! OHMIGOD! I got
silk shirts made to order for $8 US, silk pants, a linen suit, a wool coat,
even silk pajamas! I swear they called to me from the wall...
Baaaiiiillllaaaa... you know you want a paaaiiiirrrrr.... Baaaiiillllla...
we're so very cheeeaaappp..... I folded like a soggy newspaper. I even
designed a few things myself. Except for the coat, everything was under $15.

And even the problem of how to get it all home is non-existent. They are so
catered to the shopaholic, the post office is open 6 am to 10 pm EVERY DAY.
EVERY DAY! Did you hear that! OK, did you read that? And they don't even
WANT you to pack your own stuff because they need to make a list of what
you're sending. So you just walk in with all your bags of clothes and
souvenirs, they give you a box for free, you put all your things in one at a
time and they wrap it all up for you. OK, so there are like 20 forms you
have to fill out, but still, it's so cheap. I had a seven-kilo box I sent to
Vancouver for $25 US. It's the cheapest I've seen anywhere in Asia. These
guys have taking advantage of me down to a fine art. I actually wish I'd
been better prepared so I could have gotten more gifts of clothing for
people but they require so many measurements, you'd think they're designing
a wet suit.

I wouldn’t have gone so crazy but, as it happened, I made the foolish error
of checking my bank account while in Hoi An and found out I had received a
rather generous tax refund. That, combined with an ATM machine within
spitting distance of the clothing shops, was my downfall. Even Tigers have
their weak spots.