Feb. 15 - Slow boat down the Mekong

Slow boat down the Mekong... Slow boat down the Mekong... It sounds so
divine, so perfectly foreign, so Indochina. Doesn't it conjure up romantic
images of sunsets and fishing boats, rice paddies and water-side bungalows?
This is, of course, why many people traveling from the north of Thailand
(usually from Chiang Mai or Chiang Rai) choose to take a bus to the border
with Laos, then take a slow boat for two days to Luang Prabang, in the heart
of northern Laos. While the Mekong has long been a transport route for all
sizes of boats, larger crowds no longer have as many options because the
local population is opting more for bus transport as the roads get better.
The stretch between the Thai/Lao border and Luang Prabang is one of the few
parts of the Mekong that still caters to large groups and these are usually
95 per cent backpackers.

So it was that I joined the masses for what I thought would be a serene
journey into the land of 1,000 elephants, or was it 1,000 waterfalls? Maybe
it was 1,000 umbrellas. I forget. Anyway, two boatloads of us set off from
Huay Xai on the Lao border at 9 a.m. Feb. 13.

Well, the first day was absolute misery. The seats on the boat are basically
hard benches with high, straight backs and very narrow seats, forcing you to
sit up rigidly or slide right off. The weather was freezing. The rain
started as soon as we got on board, the wind picked up whipping through the
open-sided boat and, within 20 minutes, everyone was running for their
knapsacks to pull out sweaters, slacks, blankets, scarves, towels and even
sleeping bags. I was wearing just about every piece of clothing I had
brought and I was still shivering. There were thin curtains across the open
windows meant to keep the sun out that did nothing against the wind. Sleep
was practically impossible as there was no way to lean backwards. If you
fell asleep sitting up, eventually you fell forwards and off the seat. If
you were near the side, you could lean on the window ledge but then you had
the wind in your face. Eventually, I moved to the engine room. It was
incredibly noisy (think loud motorboat or electrical generator) but there was
a pile of backpacks to sleep on and it was a lot warmer. We landed in
Pacbeng, halfway to our destination, after about seven hours. I couldn't
hear anything for a few hours but at least half the journey was over.

The next morning, we came down to the river from our guesthouses to find
that the powers that be had decided to combine the human cargo of the two
boats into one. A boat meant to hold about 60 people "comfortably" now held
about 100. Ironically, those of us who got on late, ended up at the end of
the seating area in plastic garden chairs, which turned out to be more
comfortable than the benches. The back was also the toking area and, sure
enough, Canuckville. A few guys from Calgary and Winnipeg, along with an
Israeli or two, were passing around "cigars," keeping us all entertained, if
not awake.

Thankfully, the weather cleared up and we were able to leave off a few
layers of clothing. But, unfortunately, this meant that some of the more
intrepid (and stupid) backpackers wanted to sit on the window ledges with
their feet hanging out the side of the boat. This raised the centre of
gravity of the boat causing it to pitch dangerously at every turn. The
Laotians taking care of the boat kept trying to get everyone to sit down in
the seats but because it was so crowded, the more obstinate travelers
refused, until we nearly tipped over at one sharp curve, sending everyone
running to the opposite side of the boat. Fun!

Still, the second part of the journey afforded us some beautiful views of
life along the Mekong. We saw riverside villages, fishing boats, cargo boats
unloading bags of rice, vegetables, piles of wood, dead animals and anything
else people needed to live.

Every now and then we were passed by the alternate form of tourist river
transport - the fast boat. The fast boat is basically a small speedboat that
holds about 12 people scrunched up like sardines, costs five times as much
as the slow boat, sounds like the inside of a jet engine, but makes the trip
in one day. Every time one passed us, we were really not sure whether to be
envious of the travelers or not. We wanted to reach our destination so
badly, but were thankful of the slower speed that allowed us to take photos
along the way and the lower volume of the engine that allowed us to actually
talk to one another.

In the end, it's hard to say what I would recommend. Including the bus ride,
it was a three-day journey from Chiang Mai to Luang Prabang, one day of
which was absolute pain. I think I'd recommend flying and actually skip the
boat or bus rides all together; and try to find another place on the river
to do a boat trip. At least that way you can arrive from Thailand with your
lower back and your hearing intact. By the way, going the other way, from
Laos to Thailand, is upriver, adding several hours to the journey each day.

Next installment: Laos